What's happened to Nick at Nite?

I vividly remember gluing myself to the television as a child on hot July nights for the "Nick at Nite Blockparty Summer." Each night featured marathons of classic American television. Munster Mondays, Lucy Tuesdays, Bewitched Be-Wednesdays, Jeannie Thursdays and Brady Fridays were the only things that made up my pre-pubescent social calendar. And I couldn't have been more content.

Nick at Nite has always been the most viewed line-up of shows in my life. I just love a good old show in syndication. But as I grew older and was able to appreciate these shows for more than their simple comedic value, I began to see them as an art form. For the most part, they were well written gems, witty satires of different types of American Life. Whether one was a teacher or a doctor or a cab driver or a regular at the local bar or a castaway on a desert island or a black man who had moved on up or a boy hitting the awkward times of adolescence, he or she could find someone on Nick at Nite with whom to identify. It was genius. A channel for children could now reach an audience who longed for the days of "good TV" all the while reaching a new audience who could go out into the world and show it that "love was all around." (See Mary Tyler Moore theme song.)

As the difficult times of my life took over, I turned to Kevin Arnold for inspiration. I remember sitting in my bed doing homework having just been dumped via AIM by my smoking hot girlfriend at the time and watching The Wonder Years. As young Kevin Arnold dealt with the pressures of junior high, the constant awkwardness with the one and only Winnie Cooper, I knew I was not alone. I was confident I could survive without that nasty wench that broke my cyber heart. She was probably a he anyway. I never really saw her.

But seriously, these classic shows became therapeutic for me in the late 90's and early 2000's. The long hard days of middle and high school were made better by falling asleep to the soothing voice of Bill Cosby playing Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable on the Cosby Show or the sound of the Fonz hitting the jukebox and making the girls melt just by saying "ehhh..." These were the glory days of Nick at Nite. Shows like Mary Tyler Moore, Dick Van Dyke, I Love Lucy, Mork and Mindy, F-Troop, MASH and Laverne and Shirley were all snippets of American Life from the 60's, 70's and 80's for me. I could see how past generations lived. And I could laugh at their wacky hi jinx along the way. Nick at Nite was my security blanket. I knew that everything would be OK as long as Nick at Nite was in my life.

But then, in 2003, it went to hell. Fast.

I could handle Cheers. I was maturing and the witty banter of Sam and Frasier and Norm always put a smile on my face. But Sabrina the Teenage Witch? Full House? The Jeff Foxworthy Show? Mad About You? Really? This was what the greatest invention of 1985 had come to? I was crushed. A part of me died the first time Melissa Joan Hart cast her spell over my precious Nick at Nite. And the odds of that part seeing a resurrection are dying more and more with each new show that is added to the lineup.


Now don't get me wrong, I love Full House. (It's probably disconcerting to those closest to me to see how much I love it.) And I love Roseanne and Wings and the Fresh Prince too. And Saved by the Bell might be my favorite show of all time, but these staples of 90's television just aren't NAN (Nick at Nite. I love abreev's.) material. It's supposed to be a channel for classic TV programming and these just aren't classics yet. One day yes, but if they aren't more than 20 years old, I just can't see them as fine, valuable antiques.

Putting these shows on is like putting an antique plate on a 1994 Toyota Celica. Someone driving a '66 Mustang has a right to be mad for letting that happen. So I'm sure that Lucille Ball is turning over in her grave knowing that Fran Drescher has taken over NAN as The Nanny. It's a travesty that she is on my beloved NAN now. And don't even get me started on that damned George Lopez. That show started in 2002. Where is the justification for airing it? I didn't even know it was a show when it ran in prime time. Leave shows like that for WGN, the CW and mynetwork TV. They don't deserve the same time slots that Taxi and Newhart once had.


I shudder to think what might lurk around the corner for NAN. I mean with Family Matters and Fresh Prince and Home Improvement taking up the prime slots, what's next? According to Wikipedia, Everyone Hates Chris is on tap for this fall. Maybe Armageddon will come before then and save us all from this "Chris" fellow everyone seems to hate so much, unless Bruce Willis pulls the human sacrifice card again. Personally, I think it's a sign when a TV aficionado like myself has legitimately never heard of a show that a rare jewel like NAN plans to show on a daily basis.

It appears dark times lie ahead. I'll pray nightly for the future of my beloved. She's gotten me through the tough times. She'll come back around. It's just like when God told Hosea to seek out the whore, the Jezebel Gomer. Hosea loved her deeply but she constantly sought other lovers. Nick at Nite has left me for the arms of a Mexican who simply isn't funny, but one day she will return to me. And hopefully she'll be bringing Marcia Brady and the rest of the classic NAN gang with her.


They say it's always darkest before the dawn. God help us all in these next few years...

And if you think TV Land makes up for Nick at Nite sucking now, you're wrong. It's not the same. At all.