Tim Tebow parties in the USA...

There are things and people that come into our lives that we obviously love. And there are things and people that come into our lives that we obviously hate. But then there are a few things and people that we come across that we know we should hate, but we simply cannot.

Examples:

We love The Beatles. We love college football. We love naps on rainy Sunday afternoons. We love Oreos.

We hate Nickelback. We hate being on a road trip and having to pee really bad. We hate Osama bin Laden. We hate Notre Dame.

So what should we hate but find it impossible to?

Tim Tebow and the song "Party in the USA."

Over the past semester, (I don't know if I can still use that word since I'm not a student, but whatev.) I have tried so hard to hate the two aforementioned things, but just can't seem to darken my heart enough to.

After a late night dance party my roommate decided to throw on a gameday weekend in Oxford, MS, I thought I could never hear Miley's smash hit again without wanting to vomit. Over a three hour period of trying to fall asleep, I heard my roomie and his dancing pals play that song no less than 15 times, no exaggeration.

So it was ingrained in my head to associate the song with hate and rage. But every time I heard it after the fact it grew and grew on me until I couldn't help but dance to it and sing along with it myself. It's catchy. It's funny. It uses the phrase"L.A.X." What's not to love?

Do people judge me because I like it? NO! Because everyone lik... no, loves that jam. It's destined to be one of the greatest songs of our generation, and one day I hope I can crank it up in the car pool line and have my kids sing along to it with their Pops.

But you can't deny that the song is cheesy, poppy and designed for 13 year old girls. I should hate it, but I can't. I bet you could walk into a Gothic kid's room while nobody else was home and he'd be singing along with it on his iTunes. Of course it would be disguised with a Slipknot song title so when it's number one on his most played list he won't lose any Goth street cred.

Moving in a different direction: Tim Tebow.

He's just too good to be true. He's like Tiger Woods minus the affairs and the berating of photo snappers trying to get a pic of him. Watching him play and lead his teammates is like tasting Jello for the first time. It's like seeing the Mighty Ducks for the first time. It just inspires.

Now I understand if you are an Alabama or Tennessee of Georgia or FSU fan that you, by law, have to hate him, and I understand. But you can't not respect the guy. I mean in the last two years, his only loss was at the hands of my Ole Miss Rebels, and I honestly don't know which got me more jacked up, our win or his post game promise to never lose again.

He's the best player in the history of college football, maybe even college sports, he's a kid of character and faith and his desire to win is only matched by his desire to help the people around him.

So we want to hate him, then we see the 10 minute interview on Sportscenter and we think, "Crap. Dude's a great guy."

I thought for awhile that Bama would prevail this coming up weekend. Nope. Tim Tebow won't lose. It's just not possible. And for that we try and hate him, but in crowded rooms watching the game we all find ourselves cheering silently for him every time he touches the ball and getting silently choked up when he discusses his faith and the mission work he's done.

Bottom line is that Tim Tebow and Miley Cyrus need to have two kids. A boy that can follow in his dad's footsteps and a girl that can pump out the hits like her mom so the next generation can appreciate the dilemma all the world is in trying to hate the two but secretly loving them. So Miley and Tim, if you happen to read this, do your best to make that happen, for the kids of course, both yours and the general population's.

Other things we should hate, but we really love:

1) Professional Wrestling
2) Wednesdays with Warner
3) That Thing You Do (both song and movie)
4) Dan Brown novels
5) Full House


So maybe those are my top five, but I bet at least one is one of yours...

The Internet: messing stuff up since Al Gore created it.

Here's a Tweet for you.

"@Twitter: you suck."

OK. So maybe Twitter doesn't suck. It can be kind of funny when celebrities or your friends make funny posts or comments or post pictures (I think that's possible.), but nobody gives two craps about the kind of bagel you had for breakfast or the song you're listening to on your road trip or what your plans are for your day off.

"Oh, flippin' sweet. Andrew is on his way to the doctor's office to see if his venereal disease has cleared up."

Don't want to know this.

"Awesome! Jimmy had scrambled eggs with salsa and Tabasco for breakfast."

Sorry about your potty problems later, but I guarandamntee my day won't change knowing this.

"Jumpin' Jehoshaphat Jane is on a date with her wonderful boyfriend at Sonic."


Maybe next time he'll step up his game, but outside of your ex-boyfriend, few people have use for this info.

It's plain and simple. There are more important things to worry about in the world. Same goes for facebook statuses. Sometimes they can be nice when they share an article or video or picture with your friends, but ultimately they are used to relay worthless, nonsensical info.

(If you want more info on this concept of poor usage of Twitter, facebook and any other number of social BS (not Bachelor of Sciences) sites, see my first post on blogs and substitute Twitter and such every time you see the word blog.)

But now onto the serious matter...

The Internet is killing me smalls. It's overcrowded with writing and music and videos and everything in between. And now I'm part of the problem.

Let's explore the idea shall we...?

Say old man Mark Twain aka Sammy Clemens was trying to pen The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in 2009. You know, to make some Benjamins to support his illegitimate children Jesse Jackson style. After writing it, he's going to have to get it out there. But there are a few problems that arise. First off, his market is going to be considerably different than in the 19th century. People want blood and guts and sexy time and Robert Langdon these days if they are even going to consider sitting down to read a book. But second, and more importantly, he's going to have to know somebody who knows somebody who knows SOME BO DY to even have a chance at getting his story out there.

Or let's say John and Paul and the boys from Liverpool (heavy Liverpool accent implied) just formed The Beatles last week and want to get their career up and going so the world can hear the brilliance they're creating. They're going to need a crazy new sound, an enormous pair of bass drums (think Britney Spears) or a ridiculous connection in the music industry to have any shot.

Or finally imagine if Spielberg wants ET to phone home in every house in America for the first time next month sometime. It's not going to be easy to pitch an idea for a weird ass movie in a day and age where everyone and his brother has a movie to make.


So where do these legends turn nowadays?

The Internet.

It used to be really hard to get noticed for your artistic talents. You had to be really, really good at what you did or you had to be really wealthy to get your stuff produced en mass. Or maybe you had a friend with an uncle who knew a guy in whatever "biz" you were trying to conquer. Getting a book published or an album recorded or a movie made was a royal pain in the ass until about 15 years ago. And getting any credit or heaven forbid money for it was even harder.

But now we have the good ole world wide web and easy access to nearly every household outside the Third World. We have millions of writers and bands and movies and webisodes and even painters with websites and myspace pages and blogs (Yes. I know what you're thinking.) just waiting for their big break to fall in their lap. If all the aforementioned icons of their fields hadn't gotten their start until after the e-revolution began, would they still be famous? Who knows. But I do know that their are thousands of super talented people out there, probably more, trying to get their stuff noticed. Chances are they won't make it big. Chances are they'll give up and settle for menial work at restaurants and accounting firms and boring, sit behind a desk all freaking day jobs. Those chances are both sad and sucky.

It's pretty upsetting that the greatest resource the world will ever know is also responsible for an overload of various forms of art that will probably never be seen.

Hell, in 10 or 20 years when the Baby Boomers start dying out there probably won't be newspapers any more. I read the paper everyday. On the Internet. And it's free and doesn't leave ink on my fingers. Why should I pay for a hard copy when I get my coffee and park my buns in front of my computer screen and get all the same news and then some every morning?

It's also really sad that some of the stuff that is earning credibility in the music and literature and television and film worlds is all garbage. I mean do people really enjoy Nickelback and their awe inspiring lyrics? Do the masses love watching movies starring Hillary Duff? How many people actually think that Lauren Conrad's fiction novel is worth reading? It's insane that these people are praised for what they do when there are multitudes out there producing superior work. But since the Internet is the only way to put it out there, their chances of becoming any more than an inspiring fill in the blank is next to nothing.

I understand I'm an inspiring fill in the blank. And I'm OK with that for now. But one day I'll have to succumb to the idea that it probably won't go much further than a weekly blog. Maybe I'm not even talented and don't deserve anything more, but I promise there are people out there that deserve a lot more credit than they are receiving. So take a minute and find a new blog besides Stuff White People Like (Which I applaud for turning into a cultural phenomenon.) or find an up and coming band that you really like and share them with your friends.

I really can't do much more than bitch and moan about this one, but I think it makes sense. I hope you do too.


Thanks for giving me a few minutes of your week. It means a lot when that little counter on the right has a few more numbers on it every day.

On a lighter note: Wednesdays with Warner Reader of the Month goes to "Joseph". See comments on Just(ice) a Travesty for proof why. You my friend are set for a long, great career in politics or law one day. Just don't have an affair and screw it up John Edwards style. My apologies for my Spammy research and writing.