Blog changes

I'm sorry I was gone for a year, but with a counter on my blog, I know that people periodically checked in to see if anything new was here. And of course there wasn't and people were sad. I was sad. It was hard to maintain a blog that promised weekly entries. And a week off became a month and a month became a year, and here I am now, a boy with a dream that is on life support and the cord rests solely in my hand. So I'm gonna keep the respirator running and see if I can bring this dying dream back to life.

When I didn't have to be an adult it was easy to write and be entertaining. I could get off work at the restaurant after lunch or dinner and come home and open a beer and sit down at my computer and write. But a real job came along and now a wife is coming soon and a mortgage and insurance and stuff are all waiting on m, and it will still be hard but I'm going to give it my all to still share my thoughts on relevant topics and ramble about irrelevant topics and be self pitying and attempt to humor the few people that might want to read what I have to write about.

So without further ado, the new, the hopefully improved Wednesdays with Warner.

Please hold your applause.

Honestly I don't have much to say this week. I took a new job last week that I start tomorrow so I've had a few days off to write but I really can't narrow down my thoughts to any particular subject matter, so I'll share a few thoughts with you from the last few days.

1) Atlanta is a wealthy Southern city. I went for a wedding this weekend and saw cars that I only see in magazines. Or James Bond movies. On the other hand, Alabama is not a wealthy Southern state. I saw a PT Cruiser convertible that was mustard yellow outside of Birmingham. Yikes.

2) Weddings all look very different. I've been to about 600 in the last two years and now have one of my own to plan. I hope that our guests will enjoy ours as much as I've enjoyed the ones I've been to. But at the end of the day I get to marry my best friend and spend the rest of my life with her and don't really care about anything but that. I still suggest we elope on a weekly basis.

2b) Sending requests for addresses on Facebook for our wedding invitations is almost as exciting as a Facebook birthday. You just sit and watch the messages roll in and you feel really loved. But in the back of your head you know people are just excited about a free party and free beer.

3) I'm going from working in a suburban mall parking lot at a huge Memphis bank branch to a high rise in East Memphis for a small Memphis Bank on the executive floor. Huge improvement. Very exciting. Unfortunately I will not be able to walk to the following fine dining spots: Red Lobster, Bahama Breeze, Logan's Roadhouse, On the Border, or TGI Friday's.

4) I've had Friday and Monday off. I've sat at home for the majority of both days and noticed one thing. My dogs are worthless. Legitimately the only moves they make are to change sleeping spots. I'm jealous.

5) My shirt has been inside out all day and I haven't showered since Saturday. I usually shower twice a day. I'm a tad disgusted with myself, but I really don't smell that bad.

6) TBS has changed their daytime lineup significantly since the last time I had a day to watch it. No more Home Improvement or Yes, Dear. Now we have shows exclusively produced by Tyler Perry or starring the Belushi brother that has had less success in thirty years than his brother had in about four.

7) Jimmy Buffett fell of a stage last week. If you've seen the video, he literally just walked off of it. Did he not realize he was near the edge? A rock and roll legend (to some) is quickly approaching Bob Dole status. Sad.

8) There was a gas leak in my front yard yesterday. My mom sent me a very dramatic text message with lots of ellipses to inform me. I thought I would be staying in a hotel for some time until it was fixed. When I called her to get the whole story, I quickly learned that it was not a big deal and would be fixed within an hour. So much for the drama.

8a) Mom just called and informed me that the year 2011 will take five years off my life for the following reasons: I'm getting married, I took a new job, and I'm going to buy a house. She also was disgusted that I haven't showered since Saturday.

9) Dogs just changed sleeping spots. If I weren't so lazy, I'd take them on a walk.

10) The hit teenage drama Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family does two things for me. It makes me excited about Mondays almost as much as professional wrestling does. It also makes me justifiably creepy because I watch it with such enthusiasm.

That's about it for today. Check back sometime next week for a new post. It won't always be Wednesdays from here on out, but I figure if Cougar Town can carry that title and have nothing to do with cougars (women on the prowl or animals), then I can continue to call this Wednesdays with Warner.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter @uncle_warny. It's locked but chances are I will accept any follower request.

Thank You Carson Daly

As a college grad without a job, I find comfort in very few things. The TBS Breakroom, a peanut butter and honey sandwich, and my roommate's Nintendo 64 are probably the top three. And I'm out of peanut butter right now if that says anything about the way things are going.

However, last night as I flipped through the channels before bed, I came across NBC's late, late, late night show, Last Call with Carson Daly, and I immediately felt more relaxed about my future.

When I was a lowly sixth grader, I remember gluing myself to the television every afternoon to see what Carson Daly had to say about the days top music videos on Total Request Live. I remember him having a passionate love affair with the woman of my dreams at the time, Jennifer Love Hewitt. And I remember thinking it was pretty damn cool that he painted two fingernails on each hand black.

After his tenure on TRL, Carson moved on to bigger and brighter things, namely, Tara Reid, Hollywood's favorite party girl. But in 2002 he began his stint hosting his current, aforementioned project, Last Call.

So as an impressionable pre-teen and later, high school student, I thought that Carson Daly really had his stuff together, his ducks in a row if you would. But over time, I slowly realized that I was wrong. Somehow this very bland boy had managed to take over television's most popular network in MTV and then place himself in the running for taking over the Tonight Show without having any marketable skill or hook (Thank God for Jimmy Fallon, I guess.). Carson Daly, my friends, is the epitome of mediocrity and yet he has a stronghold on both Hollywood and the media which gives great hope to the average Joes like me out there.

Let's look at the stats:
Carson Daly, aged 35 years
Birthday: June 22, 1973
Sign: Cancer
Height: tallish
Weight: has seen both skinny and pudgy days
Religious Views: Catholic
Political Views: Catholic and famous = liberal
Funny: no
Musical: doubt it
Attractive: from a heterosexual male's point of view, no
Wikipedia Page: short, very short, shorter than former Nickelodeon Guts' host Mike O'Malley's (pictured above right)

So what we have in Carson Daly is a guy, a very average guy, who happened to be in the right place at the right time.

I'm not trying to knock the guy by any means. Would I trade places with him? Absolutely. Do I think I have more to offer than he does? Maybe. Would the world be able to survive without him in show biz? Certainly. All I'm really trying to get at here is that Carson Daly gives a glimmer of hope to the normal guys out there, the ones who exemplify mediocrity. He's taken himself to amazing heights without being able to offer the world much more than a monotonous voice and bad jokes. So thank you Carson Daly. Thank you for helping me to feel better about myself. Hell you were once young, white, and unemployed just like me. But look at you now. A star among stars. A beautiful Hollywood story. Just a small step away from being as cool as, well, Jimmy Kimmel.



Who knows, maybe one day I might be able to light up a TV the way my man Carson does. If he can do it, anyone can. But right now, it's time for the TBS Breakroom and a honey sandwich. Yep. Just honey.