Growing older but not up.

My birthday was yesterday. 23. A new year right in front of me.

I got a job this week. A real grown up job. Suit. Tie. The whole nine. Perhaps a new (first) career is right in front of me too.

So a new year, a new job, a whole new life almost.

The only thing I've known over the past 23 years has been school and occasional part time work. However, Monday that all changes and the 9-5 daily grind starts for what most likely will be the rest of my life. And I'll be honest with you; I'm a bit scared. Everyone tells me that if I weren't a little scared, they'd be worried, but it'd be a great deal easier if I knew how the map of my life would read from here on. Am I supposed to be a banker for the rest of my life? When am I going to have time to write that bestselling novel I've been thinking up recently? Am I going to be that man that works for the same company my whole life? The guy that gets the really nice watch when he retires with the company logo engraved on the back?

I really liked school. Kind of one of those loves that you're supposed to let go and if it comes back yada yada yada type thing. It sucked while I was in class and bored or tired. And homework wasn't too much fun either. But now I really miss it and want it back. Walking across campus the other day made me a little teary eyed. A tad pathetic if you ask me, but whatever; I'm a sappy guy sometimes.

But despite all the sentimental junk, I know that I have to grow up. I can't stay a strapping college hunk all of my life. I have to don the suit and tie. I have to build the 401k. I have to have the wife and 2.3 kids and the nice house in the burbs eventually. It's what I want. But it sure snuck up on me faster than I had anticipated. I don't feel like I should be opening this door quite yet, especially since I have no idea what the hell is behind it. Sure the benefits of working at a bank are nice. But it's still the unknown. And it's scary.

Ultimately I know that everything is going to work out well. Probably better than I can imagine right now. I'm a pretty optimistic cynic. I know that I can change careers if I don't love the banking road. I'm still young. I have my whole life ahead of me. Etc.

It still is weird though. I can't deny my nerves heading into these uncharted waters. Which is a weird analogy because plenty of people have said that it's going to be good for me to get my feet wet. So I guess I'll run with this. Why get my feet wet when I can dive in. I mean I was a swimmer in high school. (Yes. I wore a Speedo.)

So new times are coming at me fast. Bring them on. I can handle it. The nerves will wear off sooner than later. The wife and kids and stuff will come in time. Twenty years from now things will be great. Twenty-three will be a scary time, but scary stuff is exciting. Rosanne Cash, Johnny's daughter, wrote, "The key to change is to let go of fear." I can do that. I guess I don't really have a choice in the matter now, but I can do it.

I hope I don't turn into the super business man that neglects the more pleasurable things in life. If I let go of the fun parts of my life, then what's left to live for? The almighty dollar? I'm pretty sure as these new life changes come at me I can still maintain the youthful joy that I've learned over the past few years. But I haven't even started yet, so ask me again in a year or so if I'm still having fun with life in addition to making money and settling down. If I'm not, then buy me a beer and tell me to readjust some things so I can.

I'm ready to move ahead in life, but I don't think I'll ever be ready to stop finding joy in my life outside the work world. I guess I'll find out soon.

Jimmy Buffett once said, "I'm growing older but not up. My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck. Let those winds of change blow over my head. I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead."

I'm getting older and growing up, but that doesn't mean the fun is gone. I can't wait to see how this unfolds. Thanks for coming along for the ride every week.