Gimmicks... Schyeah!

So...

I'm a sucker for a good gimmick. You know, something that is completely unnecessary but seems like a great idea, something that you really need to have.

Since Nick at Nite is sucking these days, I find myself watching a good number of infomercials before bed time, and if I had unlimited cash flow, I would certainly be ordering more than my fair share of objects that are considered mostly worthless to people outside of the elderly, the stupid and the naive. So since I'm only twenty two, I guess that makes me stupid. I'm certainly not naive.

But you have to admit that gimmicks are fun. They are usually rather dumb, but your house, dorm, or apartment probably houses one gimmick right this very minute. If not, maybe you should lighten up and hit the "As Seen on TV" aisle at your local Walgreen's or Target.

For an idea of gimmicks that can broaden your horizons here are my top three:

1) The Snuggie:
This my friends is the granddaddy of all gimmicks. It's a blanket with sleeves. It's soft. It's cuddly. If you get too hot, you can lose the sleeves. You can eat in it, change channels, talk on the phone, all the while staying warm. I would highly suggest buying one of these babies now though, because with the scorching heat, I'm sure they are on sale. If it's possible to beat the normal price of two for $19.99 plus processing and handling fees. I have one and have napped in it nearly everyday since its arrival in early January. Good stuff people, good stuff.

https://www.asseenontv.com/offers_on_demand/sngie_ood_ontv.html

2) The Magic Bullet:
I don't actually have one of these, but if I had the bones to pay for it, I would. And somebody else would too because like most gimmicks, it's buy one, get one free. But seriously, this thing looks awesome. It comes with mugs that attach to the bullet itself so you can make individual fruity cocktails to drink in the hot sun and also differentiate between whose is whose with the variety of colored tops. You can make your own personal cup of chicken salad with just enough for one sandwich. I don't even like chicken salad, but this is one of those infomercials that makes me think I might if I had something so freaking cool to make it with. All in all, you get two sets of like 600 pieces for around sixty bucks. It's a hell of a deal, but I'm holding out for it to drop to two low payments of $14.95. And PS on the magic bullet: how awesome are those folks that do the advertisements! I mean I just really want to party with them.

http://www.asseenontv.com/prod-pages/magic_bullet.html

3) The Topsy Turvy Tomato:
I want to grow my own tomatoes, but I don't want the plant to take up my walking space on my patio or porch. Solution: the Topsy Turvy Tomato. With this bad boy, you can let your tomato plant hang and grow upside down. Seems logical. And when you go to harvest your massive crop, they will be at about eye level as opposed to you blowing your knees or back out bending over to pick your fresh fruits. This will likely be the next gimmick I purchase. Nothing better than a good BLT with homegrown tomatoes and home cured bacon on a hot summer day. Well the funny looks the neighbors give me when I slaughter the pigs for the bacon are pretty great too.

https://www.asseenontv.com/prod-pages/top_tur_ontv.html?gid=

Honorable Mention) The Camel Crush:
This is not an "As Seen on TV" gimmick, but it is quite an idea. A cigarette that can be both regular and menthol. If you want your death stick to be menthol halfway through, crush the ball in the filter, and BAM!!! mentholicious,; if not, leave that sucker alone. These guys are usually on sale too, which helps with those stingy tobacco taxes popping up all over the nation.

http://www.smokerswelcome.com/CAM/dtclogin.jsp?brand=CAM


Now for the gimmicks which I would never recommend, ever:

1) The PedEgg:
What a piece of junk. An egg shaped device to scrape the dead skin off of your foot. Come on. Just watch the commercial and prepare to vomit as you see some nasty feet lose their rotting flesh. If you bathed regularly or put lotion on your dogs once a day, you probably wouldn't have the problem in the first place, but if you do have the problem, deal with it. I would much rather go to a girl's place and see she had dry feet than see flakes of old skin all over her floor. Dumb idea guys. If you have one already, do yourself a favor and throw that fella away. Preferably where nobody will ever find it.

http://www.asseenontv.com/prod-pages/pdegg_ontv.html

2) The Strap Perfect:
Sweet. Not. An adjustable bra so you can wear all sorts of funky tops without anyone seeing the straps just seems like a bit much. If you really don't want people to see parts of your undergarments, buy something without straps at all. I think that there might even be something that just sticks on to provide support. Crazy I know, but much more useful than a cheap bra with adjustable straps. Ladies. Think about this one. You know I'm right.

https://www.asseenontv.com/prod-pages/strap_perfect_ood_ontv.html?gid=

3) Bumpits:
Yeah girls, guys want a babe that looks like she has a huge knot on her head. Did you ever see Coneheads? It's not attractive. These wonderful products help girls make the perfect "poof" for their hair. The "poof" as people call it is just not that cool. And if you can't make one naturally and have to rely on a piece of plastic to make your head look bumpy, then you just might be a lost cause. Sorry. That's just the way it is.

https://www.asseenontv.com/prod-pages/bmpts_ood_ontv.html

Honorable Mention) Shoes Under:
Yes please. I want one of these. A box to put under my bed where I can keep my shoes. Whoever thought of this one should get whatever the opposite of a Nobel Prize is. Pretty sure most people can figure out what to do with their shoes without having to buy a box to organize them. Besides, this box can only hold certain sized shoes. What the heck am I supposed to do with my ice skates, boots, and snow shoes?

https://www.asseenontv.com/prod-pages/shs_und_ood_ontv.html


Anyway. Gimmicks can be great or, in most cases, really bad. But my advice is to pick one and love it with all your heart, kind of like a goldfish. Mine is the Snuggie. Make fun all you want, but next year when Ole Miss plays LSU and it's cold as all get out, I'll be warm in Vaught-Hemingway Stadium wearing my burgundy blanket with sleeves, embarrassing whomever might be sitting with me...